Saturday, 12 July 2008
It has come to my attention that there is a cat resident in Diploville. The evidence presents itself in the form of foul-smelling deposits, often secreted, like antipersonnel mines, slightly below the surface. I have indeed been rendered powerless by the dastardly booby traps on more than one occasion. Revenge, it is often said, is a dish best served cold - that'll be the little bowl of milk then, placed strategically in the middle of the lawn 25 metres from the Diplo back door. The chosen killing zone benefits from good morning light, a clear and safe backdrop and is easily hosed down. Much discussion has taken place on the subject of weapon selection, I have been in touch with a retired SAS officer friend of mine and in the true spirit of "who dares wins" we settled on this basic selection from the Diplo armoury. My own personal favourite would be the Marlin 30.30 for it's sheer brute force, the Martini action Greener GP is a handy piece with a very tight choke producing a solid pattern at the range we're interested in, the grenade, frankly, is a distraction and not really appropriate here. In the interest of good neighbourly relations I plan to serve notice on the cat's owner. Ooh, the Expedient 9mm submachine gun isn't ready yet or that would have top slot - obviously. MORE FIREPOWER!