Please excuse the implied expletive. I was once out wild-fowling in a very remote swamp in The Northern Territories, we were a good two hours walk from the vehicle and a further two hours drive to the nearest homestead. The peace and quiet was shattered by a very loud bang from six feet behind me followed by the little outburst that appears in the title. The guy I was with, out hunting bare-foot in about 12 inches of swamp water, had un-wittingly put a magnum 12 gauge No4 shot goose round straight through his foot from very close range. There was a lot more swearing and howling but we did manage to save his life and he still has a neat hole you can poke your finger through in the middle of his right foot. I was wondering if the great Heinz empire made a similar fuss when they realised that they'd shot themselves in the foot with the crazy re-design of the Beanz can. If they hadn't buggered about with that I may well not have been tempted to investigate, and the much denied recipe change might have gone un-noticed. I wrote to Heinz a while ago looking for an explanation for the watering down of the sauce and the evident change in bean/sauce ratio. They hotly denied any funny business but we at Diplo HQ weren't to be fobbed off that easily and the bribery vouchers were returned to sender. Tests carried out over a period of six months against some old stock revealed the shocking extent of the cynical cooperate tampering. I am pleased to report that the last can of Heinz has been launched from the pantry at Diplo Hall and after much blind tasting in a range of conditions we have re-stocked the shelves with the fine Branston Beans (spelt correctly). I feel such a fool for being so loyal to the Heinz brand for all these years, the power of marketing is a sinister force indeed and we need to break free every now and then. MORE CONSUMER AWARENESS !
Friday, 5 November 2010
F..k Me That Hurt !
Please excuse the implied expletive. I was once out wild-fowling in a very remote swamp in The Northern Territories, we were a good two hours walk from the vehicle and a further two hours drive to the nearest homestead. The peace and quiet was shattered by a very loud bang from six feet behind me followed by the little outburst that appears in the title. The guy I was with, out hunting bare-foot in about 12 inches of swamp water, had un-wittingly put a magnum 12 gauge No4 shot goose round straight through his foot from very close range. There was a lot more swearing and howling but we did manage to save his life and he still has a neat hole you can poke your finger through in the middle of his right foot. I was wondering if the great Heinz empire made a similar fuss when they realised that they'd shot themselves in the foot with the crazy re-design of the Beanz can. If they hadn't buggered about with that I may well not have been tempted to investigate, and the much denied recipe change might have gone un-noticed. I wrote to Heinz a while ago looking for an explanation for the watering down of the sauce and the evident change in bean/sauce ratio. They hotly denied any funny business but we at Diplo HQ weren't to be fobbed off that easily and the bribery vouchers were returned to sender. Tests carried out over a period of six months against some old stock revealed the shocking extent of the cynical cooperate tampering. I am pleased to report that the last can of Heinz has been launched from the pantry at Diplo Hall and after much blind tasting in a range of conditions we have re-stocked the shelves with the fine Branston Beans (spelt correctly). I feel such a fool for being so loyal to the Heinz brand for all these years, the power of marketing is a sinister force indeed and we need to break free every now and then. MORE CONSUMER AWARENESS !
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4 comments:
Perfect Blog Diplo. This is what Blogging is all about. Raising awareness of important issues by the use of metaphors.
No - I think it really did hurt Tobes.
The only baked beanzzzz you can get here are at Lidl and I haven't dared.
What does the team think about Boston Baked Beans? An American confection or the real deal?
I'm with you though, Diplo, having succumbed to the latest wheeze of plastic packaged beans from Heinz which appear to last for precisely 5 days once opened...lots and lots of 'juice'.
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