Sweat, Steam and Gasoline

Blind as a Bat

2011-07-29T10:10:00.003+01:00

Always been a big fan of bats, brave little critters with seemingly massive odds stacked against them. Very energetic flight and a lot of hanging around on a diet of little bugs requires even the diminutive pipistrelle, weighing about 5 grammes, to consume as many as 3000 bugs a day (night). Given they have to do this in the dark/dusk with poor sight and a crude radar system to guide them to their prey, I have always assumed survival to be knife edge operation - I mean just how many bugs can there be to go around ?. Well judging by the state of my goggles, helmet, jacket and bike after a brief ride out of Diplovile the other evening - plenty. Our little friends have got it easy, I reckon. All they need to do is fly at 80 mph about 4ft off the ground with their little mouths wide open for 10 minutes and they'll be replete. MORE SURVIVAL !

Corrective Measures

2011-06-11T15:01:00.005+01:00

Now then - we are forever being told that a balanced diet is required to ensure good health and longevity. Far too much VERY good champagne last night in the absence of a barrel of beer, (a small oversight by my host) in an evening of quite delicious food and some of the most amazing wines I've ever come across. Obviously need to make amends today so have revitalised the system with an early morning Huevos Rancheros - very raunchy Chorizo, fat bacon, fresh plum tomatoes, 4 eggs and lashings of Tabasco, washed down with buckets of Yorkshire Gold, of course. MORE BALANCE !
POST SCRIPT (to answer your question, Ron, I consulted my host)
Bubbly:Dampierre Cuvee Des Amabassadeurs, White:Meursault-Blagny 1er Cru 2004, Red:Chateau Prieure-Lichine Margaux 2000, Sweet:Rabaud Promis Sauterne 2001, Port:Dows 1977. The first three in magnums, the Sauterne and the Port, decanted - all in extremely generous quantity. MORE LISTS !

One Small Step .........

2011-06-03T14:42:00.009+01:00

This is the business end of a Diplo 220x55 mm solid fuel rocket motor. It consists of two home-made extruded 110x55mm solid fuel cells stuffed end to end into the pipe. The nozzle is cast ceramic. This lot (and possibly multiples of) are contained in a blast box to minimise the risk from errant motor combustion. Not immediately obvious from this picture, but the blast box is bolted to the back of one of Diplo Jnr's push-bikes - we've some work to do because this is an ex skip-find bike that has been stripped of brakes etc for stunt use. Ignition is via a home made Diplo electronic initiator powered by a 12 volt battery using a "GO" button on the handle bars. As with all solid fuel boosters, there is no "OFF" switch. Earlier static motor tests indicate we could be in for some massive thrust and impressive speeds. We have had some huge motor explosions as well but we are confident that recent technical improvements have eliminated the most dangerous problems. MORE ROCKETRY !

Yet More Proof ........

2011-05-11T15:41:00.008+01:00

.....if it were needed, that A: less is more, and B: the world throws up delights where cynics would have you doubt it. New crash helmet arrived in the post this morning. Ever since my vintage '60s Everoak got run over by a truck I've been without a satisfactory open-face helmet. Modern-spec gear leaves a protective layer so thick (almost 2 inches !!)that a size 59 helmet will have an o/c of around 860mm or 34 inches !!!!. Several problems here - you end up looking like some weird Disney character with an over-size bonce, goggles don't fit, fuel consumption goes haywire and you're in grave danger of being taken for more brainy than you really are by the cops when they pull you over (that's not good if you're trying to play dumb). I run a sweet pair of Bolle Chrokadesi goggles as preferred by special forces and other tough people, these simply won't sit with your average euro-spec lid. Having spotted a "slim-line" open-facer in the motosickle press I set about trying to establish where it came from. The marvelous e-bay turned up the goods, £39.99 and 10 days later a brand new lid arrived at my door. Considerably less: less weight, less than an inch thick, less protection, less drag. Even more: more comfort, more goggle friendly, more normal, more gas-mileage. This thing is perfect, it accommodates my Chrokadesi bins and appeases my vanity. Quite how useful as a spill deflector is questionable, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. MORE SENSE !

Going Underground

2011-05-01T14:59:00.005+01:00

Diplo Jnr's Easter holiday project was to start the well. Every garden should have one. 6' o/d and 4'6" i/d currently 6' deep. The last 4 feet are in solid rock. Sinking the brick liner is a thrill, as you pick away to under-mine the raft the steel cutting edge does its job and the whole chimney sinks gently into the ground. Nice and cool down there. MORE COMMON SENSE !

Post Script

2011-04-28T20:01:00.004+01:00

Speechless. MORE FAT !

Easter Beef

2011-04-26T07:24:00.005+01:00

As usual, very little to say about the meat. This is a chunk of the fore-rib from one of the top secret Short Horns. I'm not saying it's impossible to buy beef like this, of course you'll find something if you know where to look. The sense of well-being and satisfaction derived from the dainty slices I had last night is priceless, very few words were spoken at the table but discernible whimpers and sighs were detected.
It is very difficult to avoid having a slice too many and a brisk stroll round the block after supper has to be a good idea - more reflection time. The much heralded change in the weather was evident early evening and the sky was demonstrating its "no-sunshine-for-you-tomorrow" look. There was an atmosphere of resigned depression drifting from the gardens of Diploville as sunbeds were being folded, paddling pools emptied and the all-too-shiny gaz barbies were being driven to safety. The capacity of our particular climate to bring us such changes should be embraced and we could save ourselves a lot of bother by not cluttering up our lives with all the accoutrements to turn our gardens into holiday camps. How about - when the sun shines light a fire on the lawn to cook the steaks, lie on the grass in the sun and when it gets a bit hot nip inside to roll around in a cold bath or move under a tree for a minute. When the weather turns in a few days simply move back into the house and shut the door to the garden. MORE WEATHER !

Size Matters. No 2

2011-04-23T12:04:00.007+01:00

The local Shit-Bike Club is developing at a gentle, relaxed pace. The ZZR featured here is a member and only eligible because it comes from an earlier time ('91) and is cosmetically challenged. Mechanically it is far from shit and has been lovingly cared for and neglected in equal measure by its previous custodians for many years. Like most bikes it has provided joy and disappointment, excitement and frustration (again in equal measure) over its life. As can be seen it is considerably larger than the CB Special and produces somewhere in the region of ten times the power - that's development for you because it's only five and half times the displacement. Simply put - size does matter. I went to the coast last weekend, two up, in great comfort, at a reasonable pace and was just as happy to get my leg over for the return journey - I can honestly say I'd struggle to be so enthusiastic about the same trip on the CB Special. The Diplo bike collection is an orphanage by the way, the CB was almost free, Diplo Jnrs XT was free and the ZZR is adopted, it still belongs to a fellow member of the SBC but he simply doesn't have room in his garage (or his heart ?) for this '90s behemoth. MORE FOSTER CARE !

Job Done......

2011-03-28T14:57:00.006+01:00

.........sort of ! Two major issues - "occupation" !!!! response probably more aspirational than actual. Secondly the envelope won't fit in the Diploville post box, I had to fold it in half and there was a lot of tearing going on as we negotiated some crafty GPO (sic) anti-theft rat-trap device installed in the jaws. I would like to take this opportunity to wish the statisticians the very best of luck in their attempts to make any useful sense of the whole sorry business. MORE PRIVACY !

Paint Job Profile

2011-03-27T17:53:00.007+01:00

The CB Special is one of the founder members of my local Shit-Bike Club, it meets all the criteria for membership, being both shit and a bike. I have mentioned in earlier posts on the CB that it has endeared itself to me in a sort of misfit, ugly duckling kind of way. Now that it is running properly and getting used regularly for local commutes and short-range expeditions it has found itself a bigger audience. It seems that wherever it is parked it draws a crowd of sympathetic observers - maybe they are merely kind-hearted souls plotting a way to put it out of its misery. I have determined that the bike's pulling power is in its patina, most appealingly demonstrated in the original '72 paintwork of the gas tank. It came to my attention caught in the sunlight the other day, emphasised by the fact that the sloppy side-stand allows the parked machine to settle almost horizontal at the kerb showing off its best side to passing pedestrians. MORE WEAR & TEAR !

Five A Day

2011-03-16T16:27:00.006Z

If you struggle to fit any fruit into your diet - run the bike on it instead. A very careful re-distillation of the Diplo Apple Ethanol has upped the purity sufficiently to get some smooth running.
The carb has been previously jetted at BSD (see earlier post) to run on commercial E85 which is 85% Ethanol mixed with 15% Gasoline to aid cold starting. Our Diplo85 is 85% home made apple ethanol and for the 15% gasoline we used some AvGas to lift the octane level a bit nearer the 109RON of the E85 we're jetted for. Result ! As you can see we've fabricated a tank from a Fanta bottle and the bike can be switched between E85 and Diplo85 by swapping the fuel feed line over on the carb. MORE FRUIT !

Money Can't Buy

2011-02-27T08:13:00.005Z

Cut a few slices off a Short Horn Rump in preparation for a light Sunday lunch. Quite obviously there's very little to say about the meat - it speaks for itself really. This beef comes from a top secret source in County Diplo and its value is measured in smiles, whimpers and gasps - it can't be bought for money. The fire will be lit at midday and I shall hop on the CB Special (sun's shining) for a five minute ride to the nearest pint of Digfield Ale's "Fool's Nook". By the time I get home the fire will be in tip top condition to recieve a fleeting visit from the rump. These slabs are an inch thick so will get about 2 minutes each side. I've been alerted to a very credible report that red meat taken in excess of around 70 grammes !$%&??!!*%$!! a day is sure to do you in. I'm obviously encouraged - more for us then. MORE RED MEAT !

Play Stops Work

2011-02-25T10:28:00.004Z

Obviously things have ground to a halt at Diplo HQ with the arrival of Sideburn #7. Threatening messages plastered to the front door for the last week, warning the postman to take extreme care, worked and I was roused from truss loading calcs and wind-sheer forces by a very enthusiastic thumping on the office window. Can't talk now really because, as you can imagine, I have some reading matter to deal with. MORE HOTLY ANTICIPATED DELIVERIES !

That Second Cup

2011-02-17T14:15:00.003Z

Consumption of Yorkshire Gold at Diplo HQ is inextricably linked to the amount of 'shop time spent. I have never been comfortable venturing forth on a fettling session without a steaming brew to hand. To keep the elixir in tip-top shape for a second cup, insulation is required and I'm delighted to have put the new chequered cozy into service. MORE BLACK & WHITE !

Stress-Free Fuel Testing

2011-02-16T16:51:00.007Z

Last month I was saved from taking the gas-axe to the CB special by the expertise and wisdom of Mark at BSD (see earlier post). Being a huge fan of experts, pretty much regardless of the field, it was an easy decision to ask Mark if he'd tackle the fueling work on Diplo Jnr's XT. Diplo Jnr has made a quantity of ethanol by distilling last autumn's cider production. The resultant juice is around 82% ABV and suitable for blending with aprox 15% by volume of gasoline to make his own, home-grown version of the commercial E85 available at some forecourts. (The 15% gasoline is required to aid cold starting as it has some of the more volatile fractions missing from straight alcohol). Re-jetting to get the simple, normally aspirated, sluggish 4 stroke to run on alcohol involves dispensing an estimated 30% more fuel. Much as I love trial and error (the largest department at Diplo Technologies Inc) it seemed wise to keep stress levels at bay and ask Mark at BSD to take on the challenge in the comfort of his dyno room.
Within 10 minutes our expert had the XT running sweet on some commercial E85 that we took along by upping the main jet, re-drilling the pilot jet and raising the needle a tad. We actually get a 5% power gain at this point. Next stage was to switch to Diplo Jnr's own fuel. We got the bike running but intermittent missing and spluttering was tracked down (by Mark's nose for these things) to excess water in the fuel. Conventional distillation should enable us to get a maximum of 96% pure Ethanol, beyond which unsavoury chemical processes can be applied (the use of benzine is the most common !!!!).I know we're way short of that and our target of 85% should be good enough. Back to the 'shop and we'll re-run the still to see if we can get rid of a bit more water. MORE DISTILLATION !

Size Matters

2011-02-07T11:35:00.003Z

I've been looking for a vintage Bell RT for years and they don't seem to come up that often. This one's just arrived in the post this morning. Absolutely mint (don't think it's ever been used) - wonder why ? Now, I've tried a few Bells and they seem to size up small, I was under the impression they only made 2 RT shells ( one for the S sizes and one for L ) and the XL is too small. This one was advertised as XXL so I thought it was worth a punt - same shell bit less padding. It's actually sized 8 1/4 or 66 in metric-land. I guess they did make a third shell size because this one negates the need for any panniers or tank bags, you could quite safely stash enough gear for a weekend away in the helmet and still leave room for your head. I may keep it as part of a collection but if any body knows somebody with a ridiculously large head that wants one - I could be persuaded to flog it for what I paid for it. MORE BRAINS !

End Of An Era ?

2011-01-13T15:38:00.004Z

I bloody hope so. Since getting the CB Special on the road last year it has been a constant source of angst, frustration and dissatisfaction - lovely little bike it may be, but running issues have been exasperating. Earlier posts detail the attempts to solve revving out issues. As a birthday treat I took the little beast to BSD at Eye Green near Peterborough, our local dyno guru and serious bike tuner, - initial concerns over asking Mark to tackle such a project proved groundless and he accepted the challenge very politely. Next day a quick 'phone call to say the bike needed collecting ! Fixed, runs like the beauty I knew was in there somewhere - duff after-market ignition coil !@%$£!?*&@!!. MORE EXPERTS !

Lay Some Down

2010-12-16T07:44:00.005Z

Just heard the weather forecast on the wireless, and apparently we're in for a cold snap. Time to lay down some reserves - the Diplo Winter Omelet is just the job, best taken before dawn with a big mug of tea. MORE RESERVES !

"This Is The Life"

2010-12-14T23:36:00.008Z

Initial road tests have gone very well and the shedavan is back at Diplo HQ for full road legal fit-out. We need to comply with DFT regs on lighting and the favoured choice will be very cheap Series Land Rover fitments readily available from the great Paddock Spares.
We managed to salvage the original jack-legs from the donor caravan which will get fitted as soon as we have a minute, enabling us to level the beast on dodgy ground. The off side of the unit has yet to be painted because originally the "shed" was parked up against a hedge and it never got the treatment. Steps will be needed as the floor is now 24" off the ground !
We are currently dealing with an enquiry for a similar unit but it will be narrower - ours, at 8ft, is road legal (they just changed the rules this year upping max width from 2300mm to 2550mm) but this may cause concern to the average caravan enthusiast so we're opting for 7' by 14'. MORE DIVERSIFICATION !

The Still Of The Night

2010-12-13T07:28:00.003Z

A very gentle gurgle over a background murmur accompanied by a drip, drip, drip, drip as the catch vessel fills. Still-watching is a very soporific experience. That's absolutely all I have to say about that right now. MORE POORLY LIT SHEDS !

Plan Ahead ........

2010-12-11T09:14:00.005Z

........to avoid a grim Christmas. ".....get this right Santa - Culpin & Son, 32 High Street East, Uppingham, ENGLAND - you can't miss the place, they have a bright red awning in front."
Mr Culpin's Christmas hand-raised Pork Pie has appeared on these pages before and I've just got my order for a couple of two and a half pounders in. What a relief - that's a stress-free, excitement-packed Christmas guaranteed for everybody from just the one 'phone call. KEEP IT SIMPLE !

New Boots and Panties...

2010-12-10T16:56:00.004Z

... so to speak. Test run in the middle of the night at -5 C recently was interesting ! New tyres are a delight and I thought I'd treat the old girl to some gaiters ( helps hide any fork seal problems 'till it's too late !) MORE RUBBER !

Anti Freeze

2010-12-07T08:25:00.003Z

06.00 hrs, 07.12.10 - staff kitchen, East Wing, Diplo Hall. MORE WINTER !

Town & Country........

2010-12-06T15:30:00.006Z

........Planning Act 1990. Eight by twelve garden shed sited in contravention of the above has vexed the neighbours and the local authority. In the absence of a clear ruling that the timber beauty is not, in fact, a fixed or permanent structure and with the neighbours still whinging like people with nothing better to do - we at Diplo HQ have decided to press on with plan B. Unfortunately for those that like to whinge they will now be getting the same structure but 18" taller than it was before. Having learned all about heuristic algorithms this time last year when the shed arrived, I have set the "missing tile" in place in the form of a rather fetching horse box borrowed from my sister. Simply: empty contents of 8 x 12 shed and jam into 6 x 9 horse box. Lift 8 x 12 shed 24 inches into the air and make safe.
Strip old caravan chassis of wooden floor and bolt down six timber bearers. Pop the the chassis under the dangling shed and lower into position. Fix light board and other DFT requirements to render the new shedavan road legal. We now have a garden shed where we wanted it that can be hauled off to Hunstanton or Biaritz at the drop of a hat. MORE PLANNING !

The Grip Of Winter

2010-12-01T15:50:00.008Z

Winter grip arrives in the form of a pair of Heidenau K41 tyres for the CB Special. Current tyres are very old, hard, slick, cracked and decidedly traction free.
This snow is creating havoc and we are reminded of how completely brain-dead is the average motorist. For my own part I will be absolutely fine and dandy in the most treacherous of conditions with my new tyres fitted. I shall of course hide my delight as I weave through the jack-knifed semis and crunched up cars, casting a sympathetic glance to a stranded motorist still struggling to work out why his Volvo is on its roof in the ditch. Smug, moi ? MORE TRACTION !

Still Waters....

2010-11-20T20:05:00.007Z

20 gallons of cider which has been fermenting furiously for 16 days is about ready for the next stage in the apple-ethanol production test run. Today's frantic 'shop activity at Diplo HQ has been concentrated on getting the still built. The condenser is complete and ready for action. We made a decision to sacrifice one of the vast collection of assorted brand petroleum spirit cans. Scrap copper pipe is crudely bent to fit and soldered at both ends - we figured around six feet of cooling coil would do the trick. Garden hose tap connectors will allow simple flow of chilled water when required. The Aeroshell 5 gallon can is the mash container which is going to receive the fabricated copper reflux tube in the next 'shop session. We're also contemplating adding a reinforced heating plate to the base to prevent burn-through. The whole contraption will sit atop a gas burner and bubble away merrily. Keep you posted. MORE MOONSHINE !

The Final Straw ?

2010-11-14T11:39:00.006Z

My typical pub visit is an "early doors" couple of pints - maybe on the way home or by way of wrapping up the days business with a celebratory/consolatory freshener. Under these circumstances it is by no means compulsory to visit the bog. My ideal pub bog is detached or possibly annexed, certainly doesn't have access from within the building and is pretty basic. Obscure-glazed Crittal windows with a smattering of cracked panes always help and, of course, condensation should be evident. If any wash basin is provided at all, it obviously shouldn't supply hot water. You may have noticed in last month's "Death of A Queen" that we've got a problem with our local. Well it's got worse as can be seen by the picture captured by our intrepid under-cover reporter, Unmitigated Ashley. Having failed to get the seriousness of the problem across via e-mail and 'phone I dragged him down there for a pint so he could witness the horror for himself. The picture says it all really. MORE CONDENSATION !

Words Fail Me

2010-11-11T12:50:00.002Z

And that's all I have to say about that - again. MORE BREAKFAST !

F..k Me That Hurt !

2010-11-05T13:48:00.003Z

Please excuse the implied expletive. I was once out wild-fowling in a very remote swamp in The Northern Territories, we were a good two hours walk from the vehicle and a further two hours drive to the nearest homestead. The peace and quiet was shattered by a very loud bang from six feet behind me followed by the little outburst that appears in the title. The guy I was with, out hunting bare-foot in about 12 inches of swamp water, had un-wittingly put a magnum 12 gauge No4 shot goose round straight through his foot from very close range. There was a lot more swearing and howling but we did manage to save his life and he still has a neat hole you can poke your finger through in the middle of his right foot. I was wondering if the great Heinz empire made a similar fuss when they realised that they'd shot themselves in the foot with the crazy re-design of the Beanz can. If they hadn't buggered about with that I may well not have been tempted to investigate, and the much denied recipe change might have gone un-noticed. I wrote to Heinz a while ago looking for an explanation for the watering down of the sauce and the evident change in bean/sauce ratio. They hotly denied any funny business but we at Diplo HQ weren't to be fobbed off that easily and the bribery vouchers were returned to sender. Tests carried out over a period of six months against some old stock revealed the shocking extent of the cynical cooperate tampering. I am pleased to report that the last can of Heinz has been launched from the pantry at Diplo Hall and after much blind tasting in a range of conditions we have re-stocked the shelves with the fine Branston Beans (spelt correctly). I feel such a fool for being so loyal to the Heinz brand for all these years, the power of marketing is a sinister force indeed and we need to break free every now and then. MORE CONSUMER AWARENESS !

The Good LIfe

2010-10-31T06:42:00.006Z

Prompted by the glut of fruit this autumn the Diplo 'shop has turned to biofuel production - time to dust off the apple press. October 1/2 term is the perfect time for family involvement and Diplo Jnr has been producing apple juice - 20 gallons of the stuff. My friend Rupert Paul, holder of the world land speed record in the home-made fuel class, advised we need a juice of around 10% sugar content to be sure of a reasonably alcoholic cider as a start. He also advises much patience in the distilation process. We are proposing to build our own still and if we can produce a litre or two of 85% apple-ethanol we just need to re-jet the XT and we're away.In keeping with the environmentally conscious approach to motorcycling the Diplo 'shop has always been a responsible recycler. It was decided that once the muntjac had finished with their skins they should be be put to good use. As a winter riding seat cover these are unsurpassed for comfort and durability - available to order. MORE ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERN !

Field Trials

2010-10-26T07:56:00.004+01:00

Following the XT's encounter with a five series BMW station waggon it was deemed wise to strip out the front end for a thorough check and re-alignment, the bars had shifted over an inch in the clamps and the forks twisted considerably in the yoke. Plenty of work with straight edge, laser, plumb line and measuring stick has confirmed that we have the machine back pretty good. Much of the work was around checking cable runs and ensuring nothing was pinched, trapped or compromised. Sunday saw the XT loaded in the hauler for a trip to my brother's place for some shake-down tests and handling checks following the rebuild. Diplo Jnr was keen to get his leg over the machine to see if Dad had fixed it up well. Half an hour of ripping up and down the field, practicing his drifting skills and generally scaring the wildlife met with a thumbs up. All's well that's done properly. MORE HAULING !

Death of a Queen

2010-10-11T20:36:00.008+01:00

Shocking news indeed, I'm so grief stricken and incensed that these few lines may well appear rambling and distracted - I make no apology for this. My local, and possibly one of the finest public houses in the country, has bitten the dust. What makes me so angry is that this disaster was avoidable (and yet inevitable - somewhat like a train crash viewed in slow motion). Unfortunately the sentiments expressed here are coming from the same "less is more" mantra that my regular readers will recognise. I have reviewed the pub in question many times on these pages - a slightly grumpy landlord who was passionate about beer, he provided his own game for the table, butchered his own meat - as evidenced by the sprinkling of sawdust often found to be soaking up blood outside the kitchen door. All this was going on in an atmosphere of dimly lit, relaxed gastronomic indulgence. Look - I could go on about how good the pub was for ages but poor Geoff was exhausted after seven or eight years and ended up having to pass the baton to a new runner - what an effing disaster. I am siting the pub in question (some of you will know where I mean) as the most spectacular example of how to completely ruin a good thing. My gut feeling is the new leaseholder has seen an opportunity and thought he could do with a bit of the action. Instead of leaving well alone he's tried something new !!! I was taken for dinner a few weeks ago by some friends from The States - breathtakingly embarrassing experience - it actually makes me want to cry to think of it - the bloody fire wasn't even lit and we had to take the "energy saving" light bulbs out of their fittings to reduce the glare. I'll tell you just how bad this is - on Saturday some blind, stupid and uncaring car driver pulled out in front of me whilst out on the XT, I hit him pretty hard and took a trip over the roof, smacking the tarmac on all fours on the other side. Removing my helmet, calmly clutching a fast swelling wrist whilst dripping blood all over the place I told him how it really is: " that's nothing - you should see what they've done to my bloody local !". Actually I'm incapable of writing any more just now and will continue in a calmer frame of mind another day. Sorry. MORE DISASTER !

Cold Shoulder

2010-10-10T20:31:00.006+01:00

Bottle of cheap Californian Shiraz, left-over Saddleback shoulder from Friday night, loaf of sour dough bread, home-made butter and a sprinkling of Maldon salt from Essex. That's pretty much all I have to say about that. MORE SUNDAYS !

Meat and Two Veg

2010-09-14T09:14:00.011+01:00

Eating alone may seem anti-social and often, without the chit-chat and social interaction, can lead to a quick meal taken on the run without much appreciation. This doesn't have to be the case and the opportunity to lavish attention on the healthy home-grown ingredients is a welcome one. Pork chops are from this year's saddlebacks, just left to sit at room temperature for an hour or so covered in rosemary, garlic, salt and pepper and some good oil. The cooking is all usual wood-burning practice and the massive handful of fresh spinach is just tossed into the spuds at the last minute before eating.
To save on washing up, delicately place the chops on top of the veg and get stuck in. A bottle or two of your favourite straight Tempranillo does the business. From start to finish this whole experience lasts about four hours and is sometimes only concluded as the night air turns chill, the fire dwindles and a little drizzle forces retreat from the garden to the warmth of the kitchen - flicking the last inch of the Izmir cig into the flower bed as you pass. MORE HOME-GROWN !

Down Your Way

2010-08-24T14:38:00.005+01:00

Reasonably fine weather prospects on Saturday prompted a day out from the asylum. Diplo Jnr and I loaded the CB Special and the XT into the Series hauler for a trip out and some off road practice. We sort of lost the CB on the way but managed to limit the damage and re-loaded in good time. Our destination promised some challenging hilly bits for some "trials" practice and plenty of open dry grass to hone the oval racing and drifting techniques. The road bike on road tyres and very little power was great fun and much controlled drifting was enjoyed. The technique of backing the machine in on the rear brake followed by a very gentle transfer to power on needs much practice at, initially, low speeds.
Needless to say riders and machines spent a fair bit of time on the floor. What fun though. This was all followed by a thrilling day at Kings Lynn's Norfolk Arena on Sunday to watch some flat track racing - check out the Sideburn blog link. MORE MAYHEM !

Make Do And Mend #2

2010-08-20T13:12:00.009+01:00

Heartily fed up with consumer kit that doesn't deliver the goods, the Diplo 'shop has always been resourceful in creating solutions to practical problems. I have mentioned before, on these pages, that I suffer from an irrational need to fix failed kit and I'm pleased to report that the make-do-and-mend approach is alive and kicking at Diplo HQ. A planned cycling trip to the Peak District has inspired Diplo Jnr to fettle himself a machine out of the selection of skip-find two wheeled orphans that forms his cycle collection. His chosen steed is this 23" British racer of unknown make running on 27" rims fitted with tyres that are reckoned to be 20 years old. The wheels have been stripped down, the tyres checked over and freed from the rims, new tubes have been fitted in a cloud of talcum powder as a non-stick dodge. The front derailleur is missing the selector fork so he's fettling one out of scrap from the 'shop. This 220 mile unsupported expedition, plus a climb of Kinder Scout, will require the hauling of a few items of kit (tent, stove etc) - hence the rather fine pannier rack illustrated above. The stores at Diplo HQ came up trumps and yielded a supply of skip-find galvanised wall plate straps - practically designed for the job and lending a thoroughly appropriate Meccano flavour to the design. I'm pleased to witness this all going on in a spirit of defiance amid the onslaught of glossy-techno-titanium-carbon fibre products being thrust at us in magazines, TV adverts and the like. I don't think Diplo Jnr's missing out on anything in having to scrape the metaphorical scrap bin to mount his expedition - far from it - he's saving his well earned cash for a Mars and some Dandelion and Burdock en-route and making do with what he's got. If you were planning on buying a new fandango bike for such a trip - just hold up a minute and think of the disappointment you could be building up for yourself. The bloody thing'll most likely break down and you just know that, being hi-tech and new, it will suffer from a degree of built in obsolescence that renders it "un-repairable". Build it yourself, keep it simple, stay in control and don't have your trip ruined by technology. The "less-is-more" sentiment comes to mind - but I don't want to roll that one out too often ! Come to think of it - much as I'm a fan of Beemer's GS 1150, and having had many trouble free miles on my own, I was shocked at how easily the Long Way Round team were thrown by a faulty ABS brake controller. This kind of tech can ruin a good thing. MORE MECCANO !

Haystacks & Saddlebacks

2010-07-23T10:44:00.006+01:00

The saddlebacks enjoyed a trip to The Lakes last weekend in the shape of sausages and chops. Camping without having to carry all your kit allows for a bigger tent and a few more luxuries - canned veg. I remember the Lockwoods brand (which may still be around) but these canned new potatoes have that same stale, musty-sweet taste that reassures the traveller. The chops were fantastic and the regular fat porker that we have settled on never fails to work. The more attentive of you will have noticed the lack of precipitation evident in the scene - let me assure you that this fine spell broke very soon after supper on day one ! The Diplo expedition was camped on the East shore of Buttermere and upon arrival we were greeted by fine views of High Cragg and Haystacks to tempt us into our boots and breeches. Within two hours these views had become memories as the heavens opened and rain set in for the next 72. Now - I've seen rain (James Taylor) but this was something else, visibility was reduced to yards and the noise of rushing water was soon deafening. Not to be deterred we did mount a sortie to Haystacks and beyond the next morning. Fully loaded with rations and emergency supplies to cover any eventuality the troop was soon wet through. Enjoying a brief rest in the tricky blind scramble approaching the summit at Haystacks I really did feel as though I was standing in a swimming pool. I'm told the views from Haystacks are stunning but as we were fumbling around, establishing the summit cairn by feel, we were unable to enjoy them and the camera was in no fit state to record the event. Not to be put off, the Diplo team is determined to re-visit "The North" in the hope of finding some better weather. Bar-side instructions on the removal of the sparkler for pouring a decent pint were not always well received or understood. MORE DRYING OUT !

No Room At The Inn

2010-07-08T15:14:00.007+01:00

'Shop clearance - got to make room for the next project ! How about treating yourself to an environmentally friendly commuter vehicle.
This was a '72 CB175 which now has a CB200 motor. Comfy cruise 55-60 and pretty cool gas-mileage. Of course, being '72, it attracts no RFL charges which is great - very satisfying getting the disc in the post reading "Duty - NIL". Any how, the little beauty, complete with period patina and that lovingly home-built style, is up for grabs - treat yourself. New chain&sprockets, wheel bearings, electrics, MOT test etc. MORE PROJECTS !

Miracle Cure

2010-07-03T10:16:00.004+01:00

Those little Saddlebacks done good. As you can see we butchered the latest batch at considerably less weight than the GOS/Tamworths we did last year. The belly fat here is much thinner. To be honest, I prefer a bit more "white meat" but am still very pleased with the result of this dry cure product. The miracle cure I refer to is my knee - my self-prescription of animal fat and Fool's Nook has been doing the job and I am now getting used to walking without a stick again and have lost the Douglas Barder motion that was required to get along without bending the knees. I would like to think that the bacon shown here has contributed to the heeling process. A fresh batch of weaners is due next week ! Gloucester Old Spot X Tamworths again, as last year. MORE MIRACLES !

Flaming June

2010-07-01T16:36:00.003+01:00

Blimey - two months off - sorry 'bout that. Actually been very busy but not a huge amount of blog-worthy stuff. The "season" is well and truly upon us and this shot from a school open day back in early June celebrates the arrival of some decent weather. I'm not a big charcoal fan, preferring to make my own as I go by burning huge quantities of seasoned, split oak and ash. The tailgate arrangement does cause concern and it is not unusual for neighbouring pic-nickers to move their precious 4x4 or Bentley GT to the other end of the field. The N/S gas tank leaks quite badly on the Series so wind direction needs to be considered. A spread of hogget chops and chipolatas c/w a pan of garlic-fried new potatoes goes down well on these occasions - on a very warm day you can't beat a cup of Yorkshire Gold to wash it all down. More recently I joined Diplo Junior in an heroic 40 mile sponsored walk in the Brecon Beacons - absolute madness, and carrying a 50lb pack up and down vertiginous terrain has completely ruined my knees. I'm on a strict diet of animal fat and Digfield Brewery's "Fool's Nook" in an attempt to sort them out. On the fettling front - both the XT225 and the CB Special have sailed through the MOT test process.The Series is in for the same as I write ! Having got back on the keyboard I'll try not to leave it so long. MORE REGULARITY !!!
Oh by the way - pigs in freezer and bacon curing under way, yum yum. New weaners coming in a couple of weeks.

More Sausages Part 1

2010-04-22T08:27:00.005+01:00

Been off air for a while for which many apologies. Loads has been happening but on the fettling front it has mainly involved the little Honda CB Special. This is a subject which I think has been well flogged. On a more positive note we welcomed a new batch of weaners to Diplo Hall a couple of weeks ago. This year we are going to try and run two batches so we've started a little earlier. These little chaps are pure Saddlebacks, a very interesting breed, more about that later. We are aiming to run these for about 12 weeks having got them at about 7 or 8. This is amazing,they will get to around 65 or 70 kilos in 20 weeks from birth and in very short order will be stretching the seams on the Diplo HQ freezers. Transport for weaners is provided by the trusty Series. The box in the back is an old engine crate and serves for collecting the critters and becomes their home for a week or two until they move into their luxury (bigger) quarters. MORE MEAT PRODUCTION !

Munt Jacket

2010-02-25T14:17:00.009Z

A brace of Muntjacs made their way to Diplo HQ a couple of weeks ago - much needed protein top up for the freezer and Diplo Junior has plans to make himself a jacket. The Fallow deer here-abouts are pretty easy to skin but I'd forgotten just how tenacious these little critters are. There's very little fat on a Muntjac and in places (around the flanks & shoulders particularly) the flesh and the skin are almost inseparable. Much swearing and delicate knife-work later we had them both stripped and ready for a few days hanging before making their way into the freezer.
The hides have moved on to Shed 2 for curing and tanning. A salt petre cure, after removal of any stray bits of flesh and the tricky membrane that remains attached, takes 4 to 5 days. This is followed by a week's drying - when dry the last few bits of membrane and sinew can be scraped and rubbed away. Next is a good wash in Sodium Carbonate solution and a few rinses through with fresh water.
Meanwhile the tanning solution of Ammonium Alum Sulphate, Sodium Carbonate and Salt is prepared and the hides dunked in for a 4 to 5 day soak. This is where we're at right now. Next stage is a good wash in a Borax solution, much rinsing, drying and oiling. Let you know how we get on. MORE PELTS !

Here We Go Again

2010-02-14T20:26:00.007Z

The obvious course of action when handicapped by not enough workshop space is to jam another motorcycle in there. The charming little XT225 was rescued from the back of a 20ft container on Saturday morning and offered a new home at Diplo HQ. Missing a battery and suffering from a couple of punctures, the bike seems otherwise pretty sound. It's had the usual minor bumps associated with "field" bike life, nothing too serious and a surge of optimism is pointing us in the direction of applying for a V5 and getting an MOT test done - this little orphan may yet return to the streets.
Knowing the bike to have stood for at least three years with a half tank of av-gas it seemed prudent to whip the carb off and subject it to a thorough de-lousing. The air box is a bugger to get out but I'm very glad we persevered - it is in a shocking state, the filter is long gone, leaving a residue of decomposed crumbly element foam stuck all over the inlet tract. The carb is actually seized solid inside with fuel goo. I don't know whether av-gas deteriorates in a different way to regular un-leaded but I've never seen anything as bad as this before - the dark molasses coloured residue has the consistency of chewing gum and is equally reluctant to let go. The Diplo chemical cupboard has been opened and we've tried cellulose thinners, meths, paraffin, de-greaser, acetone and many more products which will have to remain unidentified. We've made a start on the tank - not so much a rust issue as a goo problem, well goo and rust combo.Let you know how we get on. MORE ETHER !

Room to Move

2010-01-22T14:59:00.011Z

Having moved the Diplo workshop (or contents) to Diplo Hall it became apparent that you can't fit a firkin into a pint glass. I'm not sure that I ever thought you could but when the contents of a 300 m3 'shop are spread out on the driveway it becomes very obvious that there's no way it's all going inside a 24 m3 garage. One of the work benches alone is 16x6x3 feet and has had to be installed elsewhere on "loan". Interestingly the biggest headache comes when all the available space in the three extant storage zones is already in use, albeit very inefficiently and with no reference to a system of priorities. Moving stuff around was going to be the order of the day, it was envisaged that as part of this process, strict trash filtration would reduce the volume somewhat. In trying to plan the operation my heuristic algorithms were failing, permutation parities were way out until it was pointed out to me that we didn't have "the missing tile" or void block. This is the essential room for manoeuvre that we all recognise from the sliding tile picture puzzles. What's needed is an additional empty shed to play the part of the all important void or space. Re-calculating, allowing for the 4th dimension, produced all the answers. Given the fact that this entire process was to take place during the early C21 ice age, complete with much snow, the extra covered space proved to be essential and allowed for a smooth, stress free move. Needless to say, having completed the operation, the empty space, or void, can then be filled with some of the "marginal" skip victims. This means that to repeat the process we shall need yet another(5th) shed. One conclusion is that there'll always be demand for sheds. Here thanks have to go to Mrs Diplo who is obviously a tile puzzle expert, she spotted the problem and bought me a shed for Christmas. MORE LOVE !

2 Pounder

2009-12-24T14:26:00.005Z

This is the famous and much sought after Culpin's Christmas Pie. Similar to their regular pie which itself is brilliant and featured previously on these pages (pic below). The main difference is this is the hand raised version using a VERY strong pastry. You could certainly kick this pie along the street without damaging it. I am a fan of both versions but Mr Culpin's reluctance to make the hand raised example through the year, because of time constraints, makes it all the more special when it does appear just before Christmas. I placed my order for a pair of these beauties a while ago and made a special trip to Uppingham this morning to collect them.

MORE ANTICIPATION !

Winter Tips 3

2009-12-20T10:57:00.007Z

After a week of hefty breakfasts we at Diplo Hall find ourselves looking forward to a lighter meal on a Sunday morning. Pancakes with a slab of butter, a bottle of maple syrup and a rasher or two of streaky are a regular accompaniment to The Morning Service on the wireless. Today this little snack fills the gap nicely between the squirrel culling in the garden (from the warmth of the kitchen) and subsequent skinning and pinning out of pelts - perfect weather with a dry chill in the air.
We should of course take a lesson from our tree climbing friends and lay on a bit of fat for winter - this thick sub-cutaneous layer is built up around the vital organs above the hips and is just not present at other times of the year. Squirrel burgers for tea today then. MORE VARIETY !

Winter Tips 2

2009-12-19T09:57:00.016Z

If you're a twelve year old boy and you prefer sleeping outdoors, rejecting the relative comfort of a bed, duvet and a roof over your head - this time of year you need one of these. The igloo itself will keep out the chillest of winds. A hole pushed through the roof is a good idea for ventilation. You may also need a current army issue Arctic sleeping bag (superior to the Pattern 58), these are not only warm but pretty tough. When you do make it back to civilisation I thoroughly recommend some of Mr Culpin's plain middle bacon, a batch of scrambled same-day eggs and a jug of hot chocolate. MORE IMPROVISATION !

Winter Tips 1

2009-12-18T08:48:00.006Z

Top tip from an experienced open car campaigner. Blow the snow off the seats etc before it has a chance to melt, a casual flick with a rag is all it takes and you're sure of a snug drive to work. LESS IS MORE !

Sat Nav 3

2009-12-04T11:14:00.006Z

No 3 in the Sat Nav series has been prompted by the previous post and subsequent beer lubricated conversations on the subject of people who either can't or won't think for themselves. I was actually obliged last week to nudge a rep-driven Vectra into commitment at a local roundabout as the driver seemed frozen in some incapacitating trance by the electronic gadget stuck to his windscreen. I'm a map man myself and given half a chance I'll sort out where I'm going beforehand. One of the key principles to successful navigation is the need to know where you are at any given time, lose that thread and you make work for yourself. I was trying to render assistance to a startled delivery driver recently who's SatNav had let him down. Within 30 seconds it became apparent that he had no idea what county he was in, he would have had more luck locating himself on my road map if he'd been blindfolded and given a pin to stick in the page. I couldn't get any sense out of him as he stared in disbelief at the blank screen on his dashboard. His blind faith in the electronic gadget was so strong that he had let it take him on a 4 or 5 hour delivery run to God-knows-where, the minute it expired he was lost, not just unsure but utterly without any concept of where he was ! Amazing. A recent trip to Ireland prompted a trawl of the Diplo map library, armed with a 1900 Bartholomew's Road Atlas and a 1:500,000 J&B Touring map from 1963 smooth navigation was assured, a more up to date sheet from the car hire company filled in the missing gaps and I was able to decline the offer of a rental SatNav from Mr Hertz. If I really needed open-heart surgery or a limb amputaion I might consider handing responsibility to another, (I'd need to see references, would want to verify the quality of his shoes and maybe check on his tailor) but for anything else I'll be in control thank you, and that certainly includes getting where I want to go. MORE SENSE !

Signs of Absolution....

2009-11-29T16:31:00.013Z

... or "Diminished Responsibilities". We are blessed in this quiet corner of County Diplo with a generous smattering of fine churches and it seems that local pressure for the introduction of yet another rash of ill-conceived signage is endangering our enjoyment of one more. The approach over the causeway across the flood plane to the South of the village of Fotheringhay offers what has long been at the top of my list of the best church-scapes in the country - somewhat blighted now as can be seen here. The bridge we are being warned about is indeed narrow but by no means invisible so I simply do not appreciate the need for the sign. Over the years there have been accidents here but surely the bridge was not at fault, some people simply can't drive properly, have no concept of speed, no spacial awareness or have failed to think about what they are doing. Quite apart from aesthetic and environmental concerns over road signage I have another, far more serious beef - I believe we have an ever increasing bulk of the population who can't think for themselves and in producing all this guidance we are only encouraging them to switch off. There is an argument that we need to point out hazards to idiots but conversely it has to be said that the more we direct, the more we diminish responsibility. At the West end of Diploville there is a quiet primary school, just inside the 30mph speed limit, it goes without saying that when some half-sharp double glazing rep flattens a five year old who carelessly steps between parked cars at school-out time, his defence will be that he was "only doing 30 - that's the speed thing in'it ...". No comfort really to those scraping bits of bloodied grey flannel shorts and satchel off the tarmac. Quite obviously the driver's at fault even if " ..he just came from nowhere, jumped out he did..." - however the local authority have absolved him of all responsibility by telling him it's ok to drive at thirty.
I was interested to hear the discussions taking place on the wireless over the weekend around the decision to require parents accompanying children from a Cambridgeshire school on a short walk to some event to be CRB checked ! A few things'll result from this - volunteers with a criminal record may be deterred from helping, child molestators and other unsavories who've been clever enough not to have been caught will be happy, the school will be absolved of all responsibility because they've done their bit and the children will be at no more or less risk than they were visiting the un-CRB checked priest for tea and cakes after mass - marvelous. To go back to the narrow bridge - not many people have ever had a head-on collision with a closing speed of 60mph, many of those that have will not have survived, many that survived will have expressed surprise that their obligatory seat belt didn't stop them getting a bloodied nose, some will have sued the car manufacturer and no doubt some will have sued the local authority for not telling them that a 10ft wide bridge is not wide enough for two cars to pass. None of the above should concern us in the least - remove those who can't drive, read a map, change a wheel etc etc from the road, we could then get rid of all the signs, there'd be more pleasure in driving for those of us that can and we'd be able to enjoy some of our splendid countryside without bright red and yellow aluminium scars. MORE ACCOUNTABILITY !

16012-354-004

2009-11-26T15:56:00.003Z

Not Alan Whicker's jet set, but that from an 18mm Kehin carb. Where to start ? Induction issues with the CB Special are well documented on these pages, and as part of the earlier attempts to get the creature to run properly a matching pair of carb refurb kits was ordered from the great David Silver Spares. The refurb kit includes a bundle of gaskets, o rings, float jet and needle, pilot jet, emulsion tube, main jet, jet needle, mixture screws etc etc - what it doesn't include is a needle jet for the jet needle to run in. What I have discovered is that the OEM Needle Jet Set from Honda (part no 16012-354-004) comprises both, crucial, matching parts - tolerances here are down to 1/100th mm so size matters. Needless to say the kit pictured above appears to be the only OEM part in the world and I need a pair !! I can think of a bunch of goodies that come in pairs and that's great but in the case of carbs for my project I'd be happier to run a single. In the same way that I really need two eyes to fully appreciate distance, scale, perspective and allow my brain to perform lightening quick calculations of on-coming vehicle speeds, my little twin needs two very clever, minutely detailed, perfectly machined, finely balanced, infinitely variable fuel metering and delivery instruments to enable it to run properly. It's not. MORE JET SETS !

IKB Top Up

2009-11-02T17:38:00.009Z

It seems years since I've had a close brush with IKB, one is usually left heartened and impressed by the experience and of course it was only a few months ago that I trundled over the Firth of Forth and enjoyed a good deep metaphorical lung-full of his genius in the shape of the Forth Rail Bridge. A recent visit to Bristol demanded a couple of hours therapy in the old Great Western dry dock, drooling over the SS Great Britain. Couldn't resist this shot of a pair of 8" nuts retaining one of the main bearing journals of the gargantuan inverted V4 1000HP low pressure steam engine. The ship has just had a pile of money spent on her in an effort to halt corrosion - a false water level has been built in glass with a couple of inches of water slopping around on top giving the impression that the ship is afloat. A staircase takes you down "underwater" where a massive de-humidifying plant keeps the atmospheric humidity below 20% - in these dry conditions the salts absorbed into the old iron plates and ribs are prevented from causing any more damage - very trick and worthwhile.
This shot of the single screw merits inclusion as its design came about, like so many wonders, via the IKB Trial&Error department. Apparently the first design failed to cope with the power and staggering torque of the engine and had to be re-developed. Brunel's approach to problem solving was incredibly brave, confident, considered and ingenious but it's the sheer forcefulness of his efforts, his ability to actually get these projects off the ground, raise finance, cope with sceptics and just keep going in the face of immense problems that impress me most. I've bought a ticket for the SS GB and sent it to No 10 in the hope that Gordon might learn something about what we need to be doing in this country. MORE ENGINEERING !

Bubble & Squeak Part 6

2009-10-10T13:11:00.005+01:00

Just had six weeks salt-curing and we're starting the maturing process. This little critter will be wrapped in muslin and popped on the bottom shelf in the North pantry at Diplo Hall. Couldn't resist a rasher or two this morning. Delicious, albeit a bit salty just yet, the next three or four months should mellow that. MORE BREAKFAST !

Whoops - All Gone !

2009-10-03T20:58:00.009+01:00

Chef's Perks. August's five pounder from the expedition North has been eaten. Cooked on a fire of Ulmus procera Salis, this little critter was gone in minutes. Less is more - plain boiled new potatoes and a simple salad with a dash of Hollandaise and a slug of white Burgundy for accompaniment. My memory's clogging up a little but I reckon it'd be around '84/'85 that I excused myself from a quiet pre-dinner drink and stepped into the kitchen to prepare a beef stroganoff for a few friends around for dinner at Diplo Hall. Finding myself alone with two pounds of the most beautiful Hereford fillet, resting at room temperature, a pint of cream, half a dozen plump field mushrooms picked that morning, some delicate spanish onions, a basket of fresh spinach and a fine bottle of Cote de Rhone I got a bit carried away. It was perhaps half an hour later that an anxious, hungry and concerned guest came to join me and check on progress. Alas he was too late. Without so much as firing up the stove or touching a kitchen utensil, the lot was gone - I did my best impression of a puppy that'd been caught eating the furniture but to no avail. All's well that reaches the finish line etc and much Weetabix was enjoyed by all. As you can see there's enough fish left here to go around. MORE APPETISERS !

Tool Dependence

2009-10-02T19:15:00.006+01:00

It was in 1983 that Tim Leatherman's several prototypes were eventually honed down to a first production model, the "Pocket Survival Tool" or MkI. I bought mine in 1989 over the 'phone having seen one deftly employed by Mark Walker securing a loose rose joint on the Caesar Special. My very rash impulse purchase arrived about two weeks later and within a day or so was in regular use. I reckon it's been pressed into service at least three times a day, every day, for twenty years. I love the fact that it's made in Portland OR and that its US REG TM of 1325473 is proudly stamped into the handle. On first sight it did occur to me that I might have spotted a short-lived gimmick - as soon as I had it in my hands I realised things were different, I think it was the pliers that impressed me most. They include a very tough wire cutter, a jaw that really bites and perfectly engineered pointy nose pincers. All of this before I even owned one. This particular model has a very useful double sided file which has been used for everything from tidying up ignition points, rasping a chipped tooth to save on dentist's bills and even fettling a bit of valve seat damage in an emergency roadside repair on the G3L. All the screw drivers are great - the PH hasn't lost its shape yet - and the can opener was whizzing round a tin of bully only a few weeks ago. The knife's good too and only Wednesday was employed in squirrel skinning duties. I know the "multitool" is all over the place these days for few quid but I've yet to see one come anywhere near this bit of kit. I actually paid a (then) massive £49.00 for this one twenty years ago but it has paid for itself many times over. I'm celebrating its twentieth birthday because I like tools that stay with you. MORE LONGEVITY !

The Art of Speed

2009-09-27T15:45:00.014+01:00

News of Chris Carr's record busting last week (367.382mph) caused me to wonder just how far this art can be refined. One of the biggest restricting factors in the battle for two wheeled LSR domination is the very tight space the power unit has to fit in - 28x18 inches by the rules. Power is what's needed, if you reckon on power requirements climbing at the cube of the speed increase sought you won't be far off. So for a 10% increase in speed we need a 33% (1.1 cubed = 1.33) increase in power - this rather crude formula assumes "all other things remaining equal", well of course they don't, developing more power will no doubt require a heavier motor, stronger frame etc etc and a few too many pancakes for breakfast could ruin things. In '56 a streamliner 650 managed a staggering 214mph with an estimated 80bhp on tap (another dirt track rider). Chris's speed last week is near as damn it 71.53% faster than Johnny Allen's 214.17mph - so: 1.7153 cubed X 80 bhp = 403.75 bhp. BUB racing have managed to get 500 horsepower out of this tiny compartment. It is considered desirable to run a "big bang" motor and take advantage of the power pulses, I guess traction is a massive issue given the single tyre footprint and the loose surface. I couldn't resist the photos (robbed from BUB Racing's website). 3000cc, turbocharged, four cam, 16 valve, methanol-gulping V4 producing 500bhp @ 8500rpm - AND - 400ft/lb of torque !
Some how the tidy shot of the component parts makes the engineering look very clinical and lifeless in contrast to the shot of the beast assembled and plumbed in - imagine the racket. MORE SALT !

Land Speed Heroes

2009-09-19T21:13:00.010+01:00

How time flies. BMF Tail End September show at Peterborough this weekend.Managed to get over there today to catch some ace Flat Track action..
As it happens Chris Carr wasn't racing today - BUT - he will be Sunday 11th October. Quite some legend in the world of oval racing and one time motorcycle land speed record holder (350.8 mph), Chris is a keen follower and supporter of the UK flat track scene. Come to Peterborough 8th October and enjoy philosophical chat about English beer and how to make your bike go sideways faster than anyone else.
Just found this pic in the archives, Chris Carr #4 at Scunthorpe last year, #54 Peter Boast in hot pursuit with #76 John Lee planning his attack ! MORE LEFT TURNS !

Fine Tuning

2009-09-17T16:57:00.008+01:00

CB engine rebuilt, new cam chain, valve timing set, clearances at 2 thou, ignition timing spot on. Fuel on, tad of choke, ignition on, kick - fires first swing, marvelous. After initial warm up run of five minutes we cut the ignition and went over the engine looking for leaks and loose bits. Satisfied all's well I took the bike for a blast up the road - at 1/2 throttle it all went horribly wrong - EXACTLY the same misfire as before !?&@?!!$£?@%!. Back to the carbs then. These are 18mm round slide Kehins. Basically at tick over you've got a pilot jet and mixture control to adjust, from tick over to 1/4 throttle the mixture is determined by the shape/size of the cut-away at the bottom of the slide, from 1/4 up to 3/4 throttle the tapered jet needle and the needle jet it slides in control the mixture, from 3/4 to full throttle you're running on the main jet. All these stages are adjustable, plus float height adjustment is critical. Add to this you've more than one of these instruments to synch and you have a rough idea of what's required - PATIENCE. Lets forget about atmospheric humidity, temperature, altitude, pressure etc. The carb parts on the bench are: throttle stop screw, pilot mixture screw, float valve seat, float valve needle, pilot jet, assorted main jets #88,85 & 83, jet needle, needle jet, emulsion tube/jet holder. The mini pocket microscope (50 X mag) is handy for reading jet numbers and identifying wear. Unfortunately ALL of the above parts are subject to wear and, in the science of fuel/air mixing, this wear is ruinous. Off to stock up Yorkshire Gold supplies and try and find some decent Turkish cigarettes. MORE VARIABLES !

Bubble & Squeak Part 5

2009-09-04T18:59:00.005+01:00

Pink Fur Apple potatoes, Epargne pears, pork chops, rosemary and garlic all from the garden at Diplo Hall. Olive oil from Italy, pepper delivered by No 1 nephew from Zanzibar, salt from Essex. Marvelous. MORE HOME GROWN !

Bubble & Squeak Part 4

2009-09-03T20:31:00.005+01:00

There's a very clever little formula for calculating the weight of a live pig by simply taking a few vital dimensions. Whilst I was in Scotland Mrs Diplo got the tape measure out and reported that the little critters had reached the target 85 kilos a little earlier than expected. When I took them to Joseph Morris for dispatch last week they had such a delightful journey that I actually had to wake them up to get 'em out the trailer " we're here boys ...". I returned to pick them up last evening - all 270 lbs plus 26 lbs of snorkers worth. The van handled very well and by 18.00 hrs the freezers were bursting at the seams. Immediate rations of a few snorkers and some chops are in the fridge along with about 6 lbs of bacon curing in wooden boxes packed with patent Diplo curing mix. We're going to try half on a short cure/short mature so we can get stuck in in a couple of weeks, the other half is going for an 8 week cure and four month maturing stint. MORE RETURN JOURNEYS !

Water With That Sir ?

2009-09-01T21:04:00.010+01:00

Driving West from Marybank we follow a single track, dead-end road for nearly twenty miles up Strathconan. At a fork in the valley after six or seven miles, the road forces us Westward and we're now driving along the River Meig. The metaled road eventually peters out at Scardroy at the head of Loch Beannacharain. To get this far we've driven through some of the most beautiful countryside imaginable - and that's just the bits we could see through the rain. At one point the Meig is joined by a gorge-like valley from the North, Gleann Meinich. Tales of violent, gruesome clearances ring true, evidence of abandoned homesteads and livelihoods are all around and the place is really quite sinister.
The chapel here hasn't seen company for a while. Torrents of water spilling off the tops give up their hold on the ravines and become spectacular waterfalls because of the sheer volume. This particular chap (shot from 1/2 mile away) is about half way down the 1500 foot sheer cliff face of Creag Dhubh. From Scardroy the old East/West drovers road is very clearly evident. If you study a map you'll see it forging across the Glencarron Forest, faithfully following the Meig to its source. The pass/watershed is only about five or six miles east of the A890 at Achnashellach and from here a few miles to Loch Carron and the West coast. This great historic thoroughfare has been reclassified from byway to bridleway, rendering it unusable for the truck. Looks like we'll have to return another day and walk what has to be one of the most interesting coast to coast hikes. MORE DROVING !

Toot Toot

2009-08-30T21:50:00.012+01:00

This pic credit to Bill Navari. Enjoying a just-laid egg with my bacon yesterday at breakfast in the peace and quiet of the staff kitchen at Diplo Hall, my senses received a jangle - the wireless was calmly delivering news of the Jacee Duggard kidnap, a house-front interview with an enthusiastic neighbour - "..well, can't say as we ever paid'em no mind ....". Oh lordy, a train whistle - just a feint mournful chord, the smallest hint - yes, there it is again, louder now ".. he was kind'a weird, spooked me out a coupla times ..." unmistakable now - a short blast followed by much longer trailing sigh. Back to the studio, unfortunately, before we could really get into full swing and possibly enjoy the magical Doppler pitch change that tugs at the weakened heart strings and could have us reaching for the 'phone number of the Virgin booking desk. American railroads still have the magic for me, much as I enjoy the big diesel-electrics and their moaning "whistles", I can't fail to think of the big old steamers that were being produced in the '40s. I go along with enthusiasts of the UP Big Boys, very commanding stance and they had some spectacular scenery to run through making them the photographer's choice - this may be why we often hear of them as the "biggest" steamers. Well, not so, less photogenic and much less glamorous are the Alleghenies produced at the Lima Loco Works in Ohio. Probably most famous for their association with The Chesapeake & Ohio Railroad these 2-6-6-6 monsters where something else. They had a very grubby career hauling coal out of West Virginia, Eastwards over the Allegheny Mountains. Trains of 140 coal trucks with one header and a second loco pushing (just for the upgrade to a 2600 ft pass) plied this route from Hinton WV to Clifton Forge VA from '41 to '56 when diesel retired them. Lima built 60 (yes 60) of these for C&O, the first batch of ten in '41 for $270,000 each !!! They were specifically designed for the arduous climbing duties that were required of them - a massive boiler fed (at 260 psi) four cylinders of 22.5" bore, 33" stroke which drove twelve 67" drivers with a tractive effort of over 50 tons, the loco itself weighed 347 tons and at 40 mph was producing around 7,500 horsepower. The tender carried 25,000 gallons of water and 25 tonnes of coal. Can you imagine driving that ? MORE EFFORT !

Bubble & Squeak Part 3

2009-08-30T10:42:00.005+01:00

Delivering the pigs for the chop last week got me thinking about bacon. I have previously blogged Mr Coales' fine product and I should perhaps remind you that the curing and maturing process takes 273 days.
As I sped down the 427 with the trailer clattering along behind, I realised that I wasn't going to be able wait that long. On the way home I diverted via Twywell and picked up some of the real stuff and present it here for your enjoyment. MORE MATURITY !

Fish, Beanz & Scaffolding

2009-08-28T17:44:00.013+01:00

A few more shots from the recent adventure to "The North". Diplo Jnr was furiously snapping away from the luxury of the passenger seat of the Series. Still running on cart springs and hefty Avon Rangemasters the ride is not photographer friendly so I'm delighted he managed to synch the exposure button with the flat bits of road on a few occasions. I'm beginning to get concerned that we may never again see the FRB without scaffolding. In pre-health&safety days all this repair and maintenance work went on un-noticed with hearty Jocks and Geordies swinging from bits of hemp rope with tins of Red Oxide (massive lead content) clipped to their belts and brushes clenched between their teeth while they rolled up a quick smoke in a force 8 gale. Now all we get to see is a cheap Parisienne apartment block clamped to the side of the glorious ironwork. Just to prove we made the trip in the truck I include a shot of the Great North Road on the approach to Scotch Corner. The GNR is undergoing open heart surgery currently in an attempt to keep it from furring up, we've very few roundabouts left now and of course we only get to enjoy the full Scotch Corner experience if we turn off for the 66 - our trip was taking us on up to Darlington before heading in to the wilds of Northumberland on the 68, cross country to Edinburgh.
Otterburn seemed a good spot to camp, seeing as it mostly is Otterburn Camp, and not very much else. A splendid meadow by the river in the lee of a spur of the Kielder Forrest proved a great site. Fire lit upon arrival and snaggers straight on to cook. Standard Diplo outdoor fare when travelling light tends to be snaggers with a tin of Beanz !!! tipped into the pan at the last minute, quite delicious, garnished with a fried egg and washed down with a cup of Yorkshire Gold..The expedition North was all about getting to Strathconnan, 1/2 an hour North West of Inverness, where we would be hunting the elusive Salmon. We found one. This 5 pound fish is now in the freezer at Diplo Hall.

Chop Chop

2009-08-23T20:12:00.005+01:00

Update on progress with the knife building operation. "Buffalo Bill" post a few weeks ago detailed the plan of attack and here, very neatly, is the finished product. Knife blank from Ray Mears with laminated handle comprising brass hilt, red deer antler, leather, ivory, leather, box wood, leather, box wood, buffalo horn. That's all I have to say about that. MORE FETTLING !

Mission Accomplished

2009-08-18T18:15:00.003+01:00

Just reporting in. General cruise at 50 to 55 mph, average fuel consumption a staggering 20 mpg, round trip 1042 miles. Sludgy fuel filter gave some grief when things got a bit hilly, whipped that out and ran filterless 'till a replacement was secured from a plant hire outfit in Muir of Ord (free of charge). Five minute job to refit and all's well. Expedition adventures and incidents to follow. MORE TRAVEL !

Bubble & Squeak 2

2009-08-06T21:59:00.007+01:00

Progress report on the Diplo livestock. 22 weeks of rummaging, rootling and lazing around in the mud and these two are piling on the weight, I estimate around 120 lbs live weight at the end of July. We're still planning on a finish date around October/November. From now on they really should be laying on some fat which is what we're after. This is a bit of Mr Coales famous bacon as blogged last year, salt cured for 13 weeks and left to mature for a further 6 months before being released from the vaults - absolutely heavenly ! I'm sure we'll not be able to get quite the fat content because the Tamworth/GOS is a leaner pig, but we're hoping to produce something similar. MORE TIME !

Cut Me Some Slack

2009-07-31T18:48:00.011+01:00

CB Special ownership frustration levels have reached bursting point. Local scrap dealer calls at Diplo HQ once a month and I've been contemplating loading the bike onto his truck ! Shocking mal-combustion issues at anything over 1/2 throttle have been causing grief. Compression ? Balance comp test is holding 90 psi (as much as I could hold against the kicker) for more than a minute with no drop off. Carburation ? Complete carb overhaul X2 including comprehensive clean, float checks, new jets, needles, etc etc etc including up and down main jet sizes. No fix. Ignition ? Timing set, new coil, plugs, condenser, points, leads etc. NO FIX !!!!. Valve adjustment or timing ? Comp test rules out adj but re-set just in case, slight miss-time could be enough to cause trouble at big revs without kissing a valve - Off With His Head then.
Upon initial inspection camshaft is timed perfectly - BUT - cam chain looks a bit slack !?%&@? Could this be enough (low tech variable valve timing) to cause grief at high rpm ? With the head off I'm beginning to suspect the chain tensioner wasn't engaged following some earlier re-build (it locks up out of harms way for assembly and is released post-build.
Very un-honda looking grooves machined in the front of the timing tunnel happen to fit the profile of the timing chain perfectly !!!!!!! WOW - to cause this wear (and so quietly) the cam chain has been centrifugally flung about 25mm from its intended route ! I'm working on the assumption that this "adjustment" is greater at higher revs and is sufficient to advance the valve timing a fraction and give me an open exhaust port when we're really not ready for it.
You can see from the state of the uncleaned piston we've acquired a bit of carbon en-route which can't help. Damage to head indicates earlier valve or piston issues but should clean up ok. Variable valve timing Indeed ! MORE ALUMINIUM SWARF !

Exhausting Repairs

2009-07-30T21:16:00.010+01:00

General principal for running a series seems to be - carry spares and tools equal in weight to the fuel you propose to use on a given journey. Forthcoming trip to Inverness (and, hopefully, back again) is 1000 miles. At 15 mpg-ish that should take around 65 gallons or 482 lbs of fuel. Uncannily, my estimated stash of gear required (prop shaft, one road spring, several UJs, water pump, wheel bearings, hub, brake drum, assorted hub and pinion seals, steering idler, couple of shocks, equal quantities of EP90 and 10-50, large tool kit etc etc) could easily run to 4 or 5 cwt as the formula suggests. Perfect ! Is this why the military classification for the 88 inch series is "1/4 Ton Truck" ?
Failed exhaust system has been getting worse with use and I have succumbed to a complete new outfit (£30.00 from Paddock). Needless to say the three studs in the bottom of the manifold have been only two for some time and the old outfit was blowing here as well as in the pipe. An obvious opportunity here to fix this problem at the same time. To affect a satisfactory repair there is really no shortcut and the manifold needs to be removed. Once on the bench, a steady hand on the centre punch and 1/4" drill will see the old stud removed, hole reamed to 17/64 and tapped to 5/16 unf ready to take a new stud.
As you can see I very rashly splashed out a couple of quid for a new manifold gasket ! All's well that's finished etc etc. Start to finish about 4 hours work, couple of Izmir smokes, many cups of Yorkshire Gold and a huge amount of swearing - oh, stopped off for a couple of pints of Topaz on the way home. MORE PADDOCK SPARES !

Buffalo Bill

2009-07-27T19:57:00.006+01:00

More recent shot of Diplo Jnr's workbench. The knife blank is one of those rather pricey hand forged steel pieces from Scandinavia favoured by Ray Mears and his followers. When it arrived in the post I couldn't quite believe how beautifully made it is or how sharp ! The plan is to make up the handle with a brass hilt and a collection of bits to be bonded and shaped as one, probably finished with a turned piece of aluminium for the butt. For the main shaft of the handle we have a very fine and extremely hard piece of Box we turned up on the lathe. We've an assortment of Buffalo horn, Red Deer antler, Rhinoceros hide (from and old pair of boots) and some Ivory to make up the laminated pieces. Finished product should be great and certainly unique. MORE LAMINATION !

High Speed Comfort

2009-07-22T17:25:00.012+01:00

Travelling at speed in this country is becoming more difficult with increased traffic levels and a shocking prevalence of toady driving. Comfort is, of course, paramount and the Raleigh Police Issue from the '60s combines cycling luxury with awesome speed.
24" frame and 26" wheels leave the pedalist with a commanding view of his surroundings and a confidence inspiring presence on the road. Unmitigated discussions on the other chanel have driven me to haul the machine out for a photo shoot. A couple of months back a twelve mile, pre-pub, jaunt around the Eyebrook proved no problem for machine or rider and many a modern Disraeli geared hi-tech cycle was left for standing. This particular bike was bought new by my dad in the mid sixties in an effort to get fit, it spent most of the next thirty years gathering dust and a wholesome patina before being shocked back into life about fifteen years ago. Whilst I don't pretend to be a regular cyclist, this is definitely my machine of choice when required and no amount of marketing will see it replaced with a "modern". MORE SWEAT !

Second Home Scandal

2009-06-02T18:44:00.004+01:00

Forthcoming trip to Inverness has prompted trials of the Series dirigible camper. The dirigible brings to mind an F350 truck with a jack-leg unit by Winnebago securely bolted on, complete with shower and beer fridge. We're starting as we mean to go on, and efforts to keep the cost below the second home allowance radar has forced us to compromise a little on luxury. The subject of aerodynamics has been raised and the need for much tying down became apparent as the speedo crept up to 45. Let you know how we get on. MORE IMPROVISATION !

Bubble & Squeak Part 1

2009-05-20T18:03:00.004+01:00

Just a quick up-date on the livestock at Diplo Hall. These two chaps are Tamworth/Gloucestershire Old Spot cross and very feisty little critters they are too. The GOS has become noted for its scavenging skills, according to Mr Tinley. He goes on to say that the Tamworth, another good forager, makes an excellent bacon carcass, as do most cross breeds. So here's hoping. I'll keep you posted but we're aiming to be making sausages around the end of October. MORE PORK !

Keep Them Dogies Movin'

2009-05-05T21:25:00.006+01:00

Usual bank holiday drizzle didn't put out the fire at Diplo Hall. Armed with a four pound slab of top-side, a couple of plant's worth of Jersies and a bulb of garlic you can make your own sunshine. Cooked on last year's air-dried oak from deepest Buckinghamshire, this lot kept the wolf from the door aided by a bottle or two of a fruity Fleurie. Mrs Diplo's home made ice-cream with crumbled up Flake in it for afters was a treat. Good vittles as Frankie put it. Cut 'em out, ride 'em in: RAWHIDE !

Works Band

2009-04-30T21:35:00.004+01:00

In the light of our Unmitigated friend's failed attempt to join the Foden works band I thought I ought to share this with you. As it happens the band were transported to their engagements in the company bus. Sadly the actual machine has long since died but in the late '50s this ex brewer's dray from 1923 was converted into a replica of the band's transport. I haven't seen it for years but it did do the rounds of steam events in East Anglia and is still around. I feel sure homeward journeys were fuelled with a case or two of beer and much noise. MORE BRASS !

Testing Times

2009-04-25T17:44:00.007+01:00

Off to the ministry. The joys of special building are often hidden in the detail. I now have a registered bike to be tested, along with a V5 which has the correct engine number, wrong engine capacity, correct colour, wrong frame number. A lengthy letter attached to the offending log book is making its way to Swansea in the hope that things will come good. This should give me time to put right a few minor problems which we let pass at initial re-build. We knew at the time that new swing arm bushes would be needed and I've got a chain c/w sprockets on the way. Extensive reading of the MOT test rules tells us we can get away without the indicators, front mudguard and front brake switch. New fork seals are just keeping the oil in despite some hefty pitting on the stanchions, a new set of gaiters should hide the worst. We really ought to stretch to a new pair of shocks. MORE PASSING !

The Loose Stuff

2009-04-17T20:08:00.011+01:00

Had this picture of Georges Sizaire for years and thought I ought to share it with you. Sizaire & Naudin is one of those great independent French car makers that grew out of the mad-cap back yard experimental engineering of the late nineteenth century. Georges was born in 1880 and had the fortune of having an older brother called Maurice Hippolyte Sizaire - fantastic name. Louis Naudin was hauled in while Georges was in the army and by 1900 the three were working together on their first car. Voiturette racing of this kind was an obvious marketing weapon and the company had much success over the years, notably winning the 1908 Coupe de l'Auto in the latest development of their long stroke single cylinder "light" cars. The picture above is of Georges at the wheel of a later four cylinder racer accompanied by his trusty mechanic during the 1912 Coupes des Voiture Legere at Dieppe. The race at Dieppe was usually run at a distance of 956 miles, and in that light the reliability of these motors is staggering. I've another picture somewhere in the archive of Naudin at full throttle, dust flying, mechanic hanging on for dear life with a cigarette gripped firmly between his teeth. Shots of Edwardian motor racing always trigger that yearning for unsurfaced roads. We have it far too easy with all this tarmac and concrete to speed about on. It's a shame that nearly all public roads in this country have gone easy, we need to travel to North America (particularly the fire roads in Canada), or the outback of Australia to get any real feel for the loose stuff. I was heartened by news today that some local authority was proposing to leave pot-holes un-mended as a traffic calming measure - bravo. It seems to me that the more we pander to the motorist with fine, smooth, straight roads, not only do we completely trash the countryside but we encourage more Toady driving. Talking of news - when did littering and dog fouling become "minor" offences ? No reference to loose stuff needed here, but frankly any body who can't deal with their own dog's pooh should be rushed straight to the front of the queue ahead of car thieves, muggers and even bad tempered policemen. MORE DUST !

Getting It Right

2009-04-15T21:15:00.007+01:00

Aside from the really fine detail and high tolerance work, I've always reckoned a good rule of thumb in engineering would be - if it looks right it probably is. Our friend Mr Lutyens had a real understanding of engineering and wasn't afraid to let its principals speak for themselves. No need here to try and hide the clever stuff behind some fancy decorative embellishments. Drogo was built for Lutyens' client Mr Julius Drewe on that spectacular promontory at Drewsteignton in Devon using the two great tools of mass and gravity to great effect. Started in 1910 it wasn't truly completed until 1931. A halt to work forced by the Great War hasn't detracted from the result and the job wasn't watered down by lack of enthusiasm as could so easily have happened at that time. Detail of outstanding quality can be found all over this place, from the massive cantilevered granite fish sink in the subterranean gun room (what planning) to the thoughtfully designed bronze casement windows. On the subject of fenestration, I took this shot about twenty five years ago lying on my back on the grass. Typical bit of Lutyens drama is in the fact that the walls are built at a slight batter, increasing the visual impact and giving the masons a good head-ache. I am also particularly pleased with the bare granite interior, beautifully dressed and softened moderately with the fine tapestries and furniture shipped in from Drewe's previous home at Wadhurst in Sussex. Marvelous. MORE DESIGN !

Not Well Rockwell

2009-04-15T20:16:00.008+01:00

The old safe pilot definition -"same number of take-offs as landings" has been visited on this blog before. I'm not quite sure how POT, or prang on take-off qualifies - maybe the duration of actual flight (in this case about 4 seconds) is a consideration. Compared to the awful Beach Musketeer featured last time, the Rockwell Commander 112A is a fine slippery cruiser, 200ish horse flat 6 Lycoming, VP prop and retractable undercarriage make long commutes a pleasure. The resulting mess of this failed take-off looked very unsightly and might have distracted other pilots coping with our 600 hundred metres of ex WW2 perimeter track which serves as a runway. Quickest solution to tidy things up was to track the PC180 a few yards off the strip into the sugar beet and put a sling through the doors for a short lift to the graveyard behind Hangar 1. I mentioned earlier the satisfying sound of a metal prop ploughing its own furrow - on this occasion the change from full rev floundering in a half-stalled take off to "engine stop" was startlingly sudden as the poor thing found a pile of broken concrete stacked up awaiting clearance. "Damaged Beyond Economical Repair" in assessor's lingo. MORE FLIGHT !

How Green ?

2009-04-15T18:15:00.007+01:00

I've quite a collection of burnt out agricultural kit in the archive. I could pretty much repeat the sentiments expressed HERE. As I pulled out of Diplo HQ a couple of weeks ago I glanced to the Southern sky and was pleased by the sight of a very shapely and tall cloud of black smoke on the horizon, local topographical knowledge placed the source some 9 miles as the crow flies, practically due South - Diploville. A pronounced meteorological temperature inversion had caused the column to flatten out very sharply at about 1500 feet producing a perfectly horizontal bar of the black stuff stretching 10 or so miles to the west of the source. No camera, or I would have snapped that for the archive. Anxious not to miss out on any fun I made my way home and over to the adjacent field to more fully take in the spectacle of destruction, to wonder at the power of fire and enjoy the display laid on by a variety of components giving up their elements as different coloured smoke and flame. I'm always struck by the graceful billowing of really thick smoke, shapes being generated and transformed in front of your eyes like a huge silk pillow case being teased by a powerful fan. The crop here was Miscanthus (elephant grass) for use as a bio-fuel. It is not uncommon for the first year's growth to be insufficient to warrant harvesting and transporting so it is flailed off to encourage the rhizome to go bonkers next time around - I think that was what was happening here. Yields are supposed to be around 10 tonnes/hectare !!!!!!! Don't think so. Mind you, establishment costs of £1000.00/hectare are taken care of by a grant of nearly 100%, thereafter costs are down to harvesting and transport. I am certainly no expert in the environmental pros and cons of this bio-fuel production, I'm sure if all goes according to plan somebody could justify it. I've a feeling that if we throw the tractor burning emissions into the equation things might look a little different - better luck next time. MORE FIRE !

Al Fresco

2009-03-16T18:17:00.017Z

Sunshine and signs of life in the garden at Diplo Hall mean al fresco dining. (The picture above was actually taken last July). It has to be said that it's often colder than it looks ! Top solution in these circumstances is to set fire to everything combustible and get a few glasses down you. I have found myself deserted on more than one occasion as less hardy diners retreat indoors. The sound of laughter and music waft across from the East wing to the preferred outdoor eating place under the fruit trees. Wrapped in many layers with a fine Izmir smoke on, clutching a glass and tipping one's head back to take in the night sky is a solitary pass time. I feel very happy to be out here. Gradually the candles dwindle, the last one expiring with a little flurry, and then darkness - as I look around the sky, the roof line of Diplo hall stands out, dark against a soft whitish glow, what's this ? - more light pollution ! Closer inspection following a lurching stroll around to the front of the house - horror, they've fixed the bloody street light again. This is getting serious. Somebody's calling this in to the local feds and we need it stopped. MORE DARKNESS !

On The Road Again...

2009-03-14T17:40:00.003Z

Job done then. I really must get some fresh brake shoes! We'll certainly need some before MOT time. Preliminary road tests complete and we're tidying up the 'shop with a view to making a serious start on the next project. MORE STOPPING POWER !

Make Do & Mend

2009-03-12T13:47:00.016Z

When I picked this bike up from Cornwall last December I hadn't really given much thought to what I was letting myself in for. It immediately became apparent that the machine was in a dire state. It didn't occur to me to question what I was up to, I simply let the the sub-conscious analyser process it all and by the time we had the bike at Diplo HQ there were no questions to ask, no deliberation - we simply set about taking the thing to bits. There was no feeling of low spirits, concern over the huge hill we had to climb or the slightest glimmer of defeat.
The beauty, to me, of these mechanical challenges is that they contain all the answers for you - "what state'll the brakes be in ?" - simply take the bugger to bits and have a look. The less demanding approach is to start from scratch with a stack of replacement parts - this may not be appropriate on economic grounds, but it does mean you are dealing with no more than a complicated Airfix kit. This is all very well but requires cash, lots of parts ordering and seems a bit of a cheat. I've always had an irrational desire to fix things that don't work - I really don't like to be defeated by a motor that won't run or a door that doesn't shut properly. I had thought the wheels on the CB Special were shot and even bid on some replacements on e-bay. Tinkering in the 'shop between coats of paint, I took a wheel to one side and set about cleaning it up - 1/2 an hour later I had a pretty presentable rim and a pile of rust, the spokes received the same treatment and it transpired that only two or three were bent and a little pitted. I couldn't shift the adjusters in the rim so applied a bit of heat and left them soaking in the patent cure-all juice. A week later a bit more gas heat and some pressure from the spoke spanner and they all came free - whipped out the offending items, straightened them up, a bit of a polish and reassembled. I've repeated this exercise on the second wheel and the pair of scrap rims and spokes are now back in service. I'm particularly pleased with rim tapes I made up out of some strips of old butyl pond liner and a bit of vulcanising. The wheels don't look new but are fit for purpose, leaving me feeling quite smug and confirmed in my "fix it" approach. There's really very little that can't be fixed - the limiting factor, more often than not, being our own failure to see the problem for what it is. MORE RECYCLING !

Ballistic Cuisine

2009-03-09T16:50:00.015Z

Preliminary tests on KNO3 solid fuel rocket motor have been interesting. I'm not sure I was quite prepared for the volume of smoke to be generated - neighbours certainly weren't - Diploville was briefly plunged into a dense smog Sunday afternoon but a stiff breeze soon cleared things enough for us to inspect the damage. The copper tube is being used for test purposes,to be replaced in production by cardboard tube lined with aluminium foil to save weight. Since this shot of a 7.3 second burn we've been experimenting with nozzle geometry and a little bit of venturi effect. No thrust details as yet. We're making a rig for tests using a spring balance. Slightly blurred image due to a combination of factors!

Accurate, digital scales are a great help - brilliant for these sort of projects as they are zero-able at the touch of a button. Very expensive Swiss stainless cookware is optional but it's always a pleasure to use good kit. MORE SMOKE !

Ham, Egg & Chips

2009-03-08T19:16:00.004Z

Always been a fan of Geo Ham (Georges Hamel) for his fantastic '20s and '30s automobile paintings. Came across this great little scene of a 1928 Australian dirt track race. No idea who the riders are, suffice to say they would have been hard as nails. GH started his career penning catalogue illustrations for a cyclecar manufacturer in the mid '20s but quickly became seduced by the glamour and romance of motor racing. I had no idea he had done any bike stuff - wouldn't mind some of his work on the office wall. MORE ART !

Double Clutch

2009-03-04T13:30:00.011Z

CB Special is up and running - no surprise to find the clutch not clearing and failing to respond to all the usual dodges. Having stripped the offending item down, the stack of plain and friction plates came out as one lump and only let go their Atlantic Ocean rusty grip after a good soak in my patent cure-all vat - that and a few taps from a blunt object. Back together now.
The Series has had clutch problems to coincide, as if we didn't have enough to do. Slave cylinder failure, necessitating an interesting clutchless drive back to HQ.
The wiring loom's out of the CB again - earlier electrical tests gave us a clean bill of health but the charging system eccentricities only became apparent with the machine complete and the engine running ! The smoke emitting from under the gas tank was mostly a blue colour with that distinctive electrical fire hum to it. It seems the generator is having a go but the regulator was struggling to cope with some misdirected OPE. The loom's suffered a bit so is on the bench for repair. MORE REGULATION !

Geological Anomalies Part 2

2009-03-02T18:12:00.006Z

Northamptonshire is blessed with a spine of fine limestones running from South West to North East through the county and on up into Lincolnshire. Along the margins of the Welland valley there are very localised deposits in the bottom beds of the Lower Lincolnshire Limestones where the sandy stone can be split into thin plates suitable for producing a roofing slate. The fine layers running at a slight angle to the main bedding contain mica flakes and some shelly deposits and are strongly calcite-cemented to produce a strong, brittle, durable stone. These plates are separated above ground by a simple process of de-lamination by frost action. Depths of these old workings vary, this one is under about 30 feet of overlying limestones and is accessd via a vertical shaft. The roof of the mine is a bed of some 18 inches, supported at random intervals with walls of waste stone and the arisings from the "sand" excavation. The slate bearing rock conveniently rests on a partially cemented sandy Limestone which can be excavated by hand with a very sharp pick, allowing the material we want to be under-mined. This involves lying on your side and burrowing away until a natural fault in the bed is reached, this may be up to 12 feet horizontally so the bed is propped with stacks of waste stone. The limit of progress is identified by the sound of cracking stones as the small props take the weight - time to get out from under the "log", pull away the props and instigate a fall. In the bigger picture of this country's geology the slate producing limestone of North East Northamptonshire is a tiny anomaly, yet it has had a massive effect on the appearance of the built environment in this neck of the woods. MORE EXCAVATION !

Geological Anomalies Part 1

2009-02-26T18:44:00.006Z

East Cliff at West Bay, Dorset. Reminiscent of a giant coffee flavoured vienetta from a '70s suburban dining room, these cliffs are a great starting point for the journey into the topic of geology - no digging, climbing, drilling or blasting required. Approximately 48 metres of Bridport Sands in the Upper Lias, deposited as marine sediment at the rate of around 20,000 years/metre, present us with a million year snapshot of the Jurassic period. Particularly useful for the enthusiastic student is the way the calcite-cemented beds have demonstrated their increased durability by standing proud, step-like against the elements and offering some scale to the picture. The general brown appearance of the sandstone is caused by oxidisation on exposure to the atmosphere, the stone losing its natural blue/green colour. At the very top overlying beds of limestone, an Inferior Oolite, form the icing. Also at West Bay, in a great restaurant, can be found some of the freshest Sea Bass you're likely to come across. MORE ROCKS !

Ice With That Sir ?

2009-02-21T20:15:00.011Z

Don't want to panic anybody - but. I gather that the North West passage is a doddle in these days of global warming. Gone are the days of the Karluk getting caught up in the polar ice off Wrangel and being spewed out 18 months later into the North Atlantic - cool way to circumnavigate. This picture is of the beautiful little harbour at Rockport MA taken early January last year, this was shirt-sleeve & Martini weather. Talking to one of the local fishermen doing a bit of winter maintenance on his boat it transpired that this harbour is normally locked in the grip of two foot thick sea ice for three months of the year !! Rockport is at the tip of Cape Anne, just up the road from the grimly famous fishing town of Gloucester, home base of the ill-fated trawler and so evocatively set out for us in The Perfect Storm by Sebastian Junger. VERY tough bunch. MORE HALIBUT !

Wagtail, Jaguar and Kiwi Stew

2009-02-07T18:21:00.010Z

Spontaneous trip to the local last Friday proved to be the right move. A welcoming pint of Great Oakley's Wagtail (lightish 1038 brewed with a New Zealand hop) whilst Mrs Diplo and I peruse the menu. As usual the obvious solution of ordering the entire menu is discussed and set aside. Caution and prudence rights off the starter course - so pressed duck and chicken liver terrine, whitebait and the Tuscan Ribolita are out of the question. A second pint of Wagtail helps me settle for the grilled pork cutlet and chorizo cassoulet and Mrs D sensibly opts for the calves liver - never known to disappoint and guaranteed to be the freshest, lightest cooked liver for miles around. The Argentinian Malbec (illustrated complete with Yaguarete) waves enthusiastically from the wine list, desperate for a place on our team. Just as the Wagtail's spent, two huge elegant glasses arrive with the Chakana and the main course. Not much said for the next twenty minutes or so - plenty of sighs and happy whimpers in between slurps of the Agentinian nectar. A little post-main course rest is interrupted by discussion of the sweat choice - up 'till now things have been pretty straightforward. From the six dishes on offer it is decided that we simply can't make do without at least four of them. A further Wagtail will be needed to wash them down. A few minutes later and a gargantuan platter of goodness arrives - pint on the side. Home made panna cotta with Vin Santo-poached pears, lemon and almond polenta, VERY rich dark chocolate Nemesis, fig and almond tart with clotted cream. MORE SPONTANEITY !

Honda Project Part 3

2009-02-07T09:56:00.015Z

Rebuild's on the way - the Series bonnet is open as the battery's being used as a slave for CB electrical testing. The only failing revealed to date is a weak/intermittent starter solenoid. I was pleased to see at Old Bike Hack that my mucker has been playing with OPE (other people's electrics) - this one's also been a challenge as we have a mixture of 175 and 200 looms, alternator, switch gear etc plus yards of soggy insulting tape to unravel. Allowing myself to drift into Zen mode, isolating myself from the outside world, and taking much Yorkshire Gold - ooh yes, and a couple of imported Izmir Turkish smokes - I seem to have become at one with the problem and started a process of self-healing which has lead to a clean bill of health for the CB electrical system - "...first take the log out of your own eye....".
This rather unattractive nondescript bike has entered my life in a list from D7, Greeves 250 Scottish, C15, G80 S, GPZ 600R, GSXR 1100, G3 L, DR 650, Speed Triple ,GS 1150 and now CB 175/200. It seems remarkably at home. As yet unridden, I think it may have become my favourite so far. I have mentioned earlier in these pages that I have reached the point where any bike will do, having got there it is, of course, obvious that the machine becomes no longer "ANY bike" but "THE bike". I have noticed myself taking great care and effort over reviving failed switches, poor electrical connections and putting right horrible ills inflicted on mechanical objects by many, less sympathetic, past owners. I am not a fan of polished, over-restored renovation but am more concerned with getting things to work smoothly, efficiently - as intended even. At strip-down I really thought a lot of parts would need replacing and had started to make a worrying list for e-bay hunting and a call to David Silver Spares. What I have discovered, with the help of some wise words, much tea and Turkish and a bit of peace and quiet, is that many individual bits can become perfectly serviceable by taking them to one side, stripping them to their smallest constituent parts, cleaning, lubricating and re-assembling without 37 years of accumulated grit, grime, road salt and abuse. Taking up far too much space rambling here. More to follow. MORE IZMIR TOBACCO !

Honda Project Part 2

2009-01-23T21:03:00.006Z

Managed to get a couple of hours in the 'shop earlier in the week. All the painted frame bits have been acid scrubbed and etch-primed ready for some black paint. The 'shop has taken on the air of a butchers - bloody chilly and bits hanging from hooks everywhere. The No2 CB frame can be seen lurking by the wheels. This frame is suffering from Atlantic rust and the swing arm won't actually swing - it's been getting a regular soaking with penetrating fluid and has just had it's first visit from the gas-axe to try and free things up a bit (swing arm bushes here are nylon so will melt out if need be). Depending on e-bay success we may be using fresh wheels, failure there will mean a trip Central Wheel for some new rims and spoke sets for an in-house re-lacing. Ooh - nearly forgot to mention - I had the most enormous, delicious pork chop last night, cooked in the oven with some root veg, apples, sausages, tonnes of garlic, sage and bits - all served up with 1/2 dozen kidneys and some garlic-fried potatoes - washed down with a bottle of Davy's French White No1, a bottle of Davy's French Red No1 and a 75% Tempranillo Rioja from Calificada. MORE CONFUSION !

Honda Project Part 1

2009-01-22T10:19:00.007Z

Just a quick up-date on progress with the ex-Cornish CB project. As can be seen by the suspended carcass, the gralloching has well and truly been completed. This dismembering exercise is the first and most important part of the butchery process. The more substantial joints are removed for future fettling, allowing access to the guts - no waste here, vital organs are preserved and all parts are laid up in storage. It has become apparent that our victim was grossly overweight and a ruthless approach is being taken to discarding extraneous mass. The poor thing will be lucky to develop 16 horse power which is barely enough to get me hauled up the road. As a family hack/commuter machine we are not looking for performance but any weight lost at this stage has got to help. The frame we're using is the better of the two salvaged from Cornwall - here it awaits a rust removal acid treatment, to be followed by a coat of self-etching primer and a bit of black paint. The engine is the 200cc number from the complete bike, we believe this to be a runner so there are no plans to dismember it. The tank shown is a spare, but rather tasty, 1972 175 piece, the plan here is to clean it up but not strip it, the rust spots and crazed finish lend a certain authenticity. MORE PATINA !

Diesel Strokers & Mrs Robinson

2009-01-15T19:57:00.018Z

My knowledge of two stroke diesels is limited, not withstanding, I have known for years that this was an area of internal combustion engine technology that I would, at some stage have to investigate further. I guess none of us have been able to re-visit Mike Nichols' '67 Graduate without fast forwarding to the elopement - that GM bus hauling up with the unmistakable Detroit 12 litre 32 valve V8 2 stroke roar - this lovely sound is often accentuated by the employment of a sluggish automatic gearbox playing havoc with the revs. (All of this accompanied by a rather startled look from Katherine Ross as she weighs up the pros and cons and a trickle of S&G's "Hello Darkness"). Move on 13 years and around the globe to South Australia, just West of Nundroo on the (then) very empty Eyres Highway. Quietly minding my own business on the XT500 loaded up with gear - it was getting dusk and,to give myself more chance in the kangaroo avoidance game, I had slowed to 60 and was riding straight down the centre of the road - the problem with coaches having engines at the back is you don't get to hear them coming - how I survived the Greyhound streaking past me on the near side at 80 is unknown, the noise however is etched securely in my brain somewhere - glorious two stroke rattle and howl, FANTASTIC smell and heat. Move on again - another 5 years and I found myself driving a Commer CDY (as shown below) tipper, only for a day, but the noise ! Obviously I knew I was in stroker territory but for some reason never looked under the bonnet. I have only just discovered the brilliant opposing piston design of the Rootes TS3 !?%&£$!!? BRILLIANT - 3 cylinders, 6 pistons, 12 con-rods, 6 rockers and 1 crankshaft - all that and a stroker to boot. How this piece of engineering has passed me by for so long is a mystery, I'm just glad I found it now before it's too late. Apparently the little 215 cube (3523cc) motor was producing 335 lbs.ft of torque at 1200 revs ! MORE FROM LESS !
STOP PRESS - if you need to know what a TS3 sounds like - watch this !

Lucky Dip

2009-01-07T17:24:00.005Z

Trip to Cornwall completed just before Christmas. That Lizard is a bloody long way - 339 miles -. The call of the wild proved too strong and it became necessary to mount an expedition to collect some motorcycle bits. The original plan was to end up with enough clobber to build one, or possibly two machines from the contents of a shed situated very close to The Atlantic Ocean. What you see here is a '60/'61 ? BSA A50 in for repairs (ignition problems) a complete, but ropey CB 175 (sporting a CB 200 engine and tank) and, hidden in the middle, another complete CB 175 in various plastic boxes. The return trip took 10.50 hrs driving which seems ok for 678 miles. Much diesel was burnt and more than a few snaggers were consumed. One notable fuel and breakfast stop was taken atop Bodmin Moor which has to be a treat. Since arriving at Diplo HQ the haul has been checked over and we seem to have a lot of rust which could well have been left in Cornwall, we also have sufficient goodies to get a really cute CB200 special, lightened considerably and to serve as a family hack/commuter machine. Plans to make a second (CB 175) as a field bike/gp trainer are under discussion. MORE 'SHOP TIME !

Trials & Tribulations

2008-11-30T14:45:00.005Z

Sadly this TY (my son's bike) was stolen a few months ago, demonstrating that motorcycle ownership has it's bad moments. I started riding bikes when I was about 11 - my first expedition being a helmet-less trip on a step-thru C90 along the Fosse in the Cotswolds, brought to a swift end by the intervention of the law ( Morris Minor panda I recall). My own son started at the age of four with a QR 50 and then progressed onto the TY above. I'm sure the TY must have been a killer for Yamaha because it was so beautifully made, and although it sold in huge quantities from '74 to '84 can't have made them a lot of money. Since my introduction to the joys of two wheeled motorised transport I have ridden, owned, borrowed, crashed, been frightened by and enjoyed a vast range of machines (more to appear on these pages). I have, for many years, been under the mistaken impression that, for motorcycling heaven to be complete, one would need at-least three machines: 1. For crashing about in the fields, woods, quarries and occasional blats on the tarmac ( this bike to remain covered in mud and to be, cosmetically, a disaster but kept in tip-top mechanical fettle. ) 2. An excessively powerful, exquisitely handling, massively braked, howlingly exhausted all-out sports bike for pure adrenalin filled, knife-edge weekend riding and track days (probably Italian). 3. Big fat comfy, torquey, lazy slob machine for taking in the scenery, long jaunts around Europe and short trips to the news agents to pick up motorcycle comics. Well then - imagine my shock when I suddenly realised that all this was complete bollox. I've been without a bike for over three years now and suffer badly as a result. I've come to the conclusion that the thing holding me back has been the search for the ideal compromise machine ! Disaster, what folly - fortunately I hang out with some people who make sense and I have had it spelled out to me quite clearly that "any bike is better than none " - well of course it is - and how the bloody hell did I miss that one ? By lowering my sights, expectations, vanity threshold, bike snobbery visor and budget I have settled on the perfect solution - a hundred quid's worth of bits that may even yield two complete bikes at a push, conveniently located at the far end of the country in a shed. I'll let you know how it all goes on these pages. MORE PROBLEMS !

Real Food

2008-11-28T22:55:00.011Z

This has been a long time coming - apologies for the delay. I'm very blessed in that my local happens to provide good beer and real food. The Queen's Head at Bulwick, Northants has been mentioned in these pages before but I'm beginning to feel guilty about not sharing it widely enough. Run by the enthusiastic Geoff and Angela, this pub keeps coming up trumps and has the Diplo seal of approval after many years sampling.
The beer is taken very seriously and it is such a pleasure to be able to enjoy a village pub that is happy to present a fantastic pint without making you feel you ought to be ordering a la carte for a dozen. So many of our pubs have gone foody and really don't understand the point of beer. Somehow this place manages both in real style. A little sample menu is attached - these two on separate occasions, but the offal dish a few weeks ago was absolutely out of this world, Geoff kills and butchers his own game which has to be a good thing. The pig's ear dish I had as a starter tonight, and was brilliant. I'm not a food writer but am happy to say I don't need to be - where on earth can you find such serious goodness AND with a pint of Brewsters Decadence to wash it all down ? - (that and a good Chilean Syrah/Cabernet).
MORE OFFAL !

.....And Don't Come Back !

2008-11-16T11:10:00.006Z

"Welcome" indeed ! This picture is offered as a marvelous example of our country's attitude to life. I was rather struck by the fact that the car park, for around forty or fifty vehicles, had no less than four of these "Bugger Off" notices. Not strictly a road sign, and therefore in danger of surviving my campaign to be rid of them, I offer this beauty to my unmitigated colleague to deal with - it bears a striking resemblance to one he posted earlier at a construction site in Rutland.
In the extremely unlikely event of any body outstaying their welcome in the car park, the local authority have despoiled the rather fine lamp standard with a personal message for Ron !

Banking Suspended

2008-11-11T21:22:00.011Z

Central Bank of Ireland, Dame Street, Dublin. By Sam Stephenson 1975. Controversial even after being reduced in height for contravening planning restrictions, this building is much un-loved but I've not come across this brave approach before.
A central column supports massive, balanced beams from which the floors are suspended, as can be clearly seen in this rather splendid shot. An habitual supporter of the under-dog, I have taken this fantastic piece of engineering under my wing and propose to defend it. If they really want to get rid of it, I'd gladly have it re-assembled in the grounds at Diplo Hall. MORE SUSPENSE !

.. the darkness He called Night.

2008-11-10T21:40:00.006Z

At last - street light's packed up again. Celebration in Diploville as my one man campaign to rid us of the street light gets under way. I noticed, as I pulled into the Diplo driveway tonight, that darkness has returned, a short stroll up and down the road to get my eyes settled and already some sense of nature has returned. Quite apart from anything else the birds know it's gone bed time, the cats have all scarpered, little glimmers of domestic warmth appear through chinked curtains and a general feeling of peace accompanies the smell of wood-smoke from my chimney. Onward - the next light is some 274 yds to the East. Up two clicks, one click right for wind drift. MORE DARK !